I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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