She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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