She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's rum buckets o'clock
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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