I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
