We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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