I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
