i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
