I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize