remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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