I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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