It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
