I hope mine doesn't look like that
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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