fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
