If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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