Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
