Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
