You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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