i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
