So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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