woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
