I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
