tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
