Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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