No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
