my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
