I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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