How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize