Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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