i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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