Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
