No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
