so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
