Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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