i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
