there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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