Sponge bath it is.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
