Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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