i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
