I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
