This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
