Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
