i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
