I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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