Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
