mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
