I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
