Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
