My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
