idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
