This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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