your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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