last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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