Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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