Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
