im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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