There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
