Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
