You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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