You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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