I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
