I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
