my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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