the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
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She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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