TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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