i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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