We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
