vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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