Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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